The Couple – Why do we always fall in love with the same type of person?

 

In this first article of mine, on my new site #belionhearted, I’d like to deal with a somewhat interesting topic that touches the life of all of us, by pursuing the line of thought which I have defined in “Philosophy”, namely : the Relationships and the Couple, pointing out the love relationship.

How does a Couple shape itself ?

We have to start from the assumption that each woman has inside herself a feminine and a masculine part and each man has a feminine and masculine part inside himself. Both for men and women their respective opposites are totally subconscious, therefore we can say that each woman holds a 90% of subconscious, where her masculine lies, and a 10% of conscious, this applies to men too.

Jung and his disciples defined 8 masculine archetypes and 7 feminine archetypes; each man will therefore have 7 feminine archetypes in his subconscious and consequently each woman will have 8 masculine archetypes in her subconscious. In this subconscious state, where the archetypes of the opposite sex lie, each woman has active only one, out of eight, masculine archetype in her subconscious, and each man will respectively have only one active femine archetype (out of seven) in his subconscious; that is to say that only one archetype is active, it is there, unnoticed but active.

This is where falling-in-love happens; beyond physical attraction, which is fundamental, the following must occur :

The man I meet must have active, in his subconscious, my masculine : that only masculine archetype that is active in my subconscious, that is to say he embodies my masculine and works it in my daily life; the same thing happens for men : this is where falling in love happens.

From what stated above, we can affirm that falling in love is nothing but an acknowledgement, that is to say I recognize in him and he recognizes in me something that already belongs to us; so the first phase of the relationship (the first 6 months or a year) is actually a phase where there is only one recognition : I fall in love with something that I already know.

At this point we have to say that each archetype has got a shadow (its negative aspect), however we only fall in love with the positive aspect of the archetype, the one that we know already, the alluring aspects of it, the seductive ones, but when the archetypes we have, manifest themselves in their shadow state, this is the first phase of destabilization of the couple. As a matter of fact I recognize what I like about him or her, but I disclaim the shadow aspect of the archetype.

Every person manifests also other archetypes in his or her conscious, not only the one that we recognized when we fell in love; it is usually one or two archetypes that are not activated in us but whom we have to live with during the couple relationship.

After the first period, when people fall in love, where I only see the positive part of the person, namely the archetype that I know, then I begin to see also the other parts; it is the moment in the couple where people say : “ you are changing”, “ I don’t recognize you anymore”, “you are no longer the same”, but actually the person is always the same, it’s me who is recognizing other parts that I didn’t know.

Many couples at this point, instead of passing from the “fall-in-love” phase to the “development-of-love” phase, split up or live moments of crisis. This moment for a couple who is willing to develop true love, the sacred one, is a very important moment to work on themselves.

We have to learn that every woman and every man manifest also other archetypes, different from the one we fall in love with, therefore this thing gives us the possibility to look at the person for what he or she manifests beyond my archetype.

This is a tough work, it means getting involved because the aspects that the person is manifesting, are living me clues about me.

The couple is the absolute reign of projections: “ the law of the mirror” a sit is said in Alchemy; the other person is constantly showing me aspects of myself I am not in contact with.

A very helpful exercise, in the couple relationship, is to look at the person I am with, every day as if I didn’t know him or her, with eyes full of wonder. What can I learn from my partner, what will he or she show me today ? what will I learn today not about him/her, but about me through him/her.

 

It’s a very difficult exercise because in our daily life, we don’t give others the possibility to manifest in different ways, and if it happened we would take it as a betrayal; i.e. we don’t expert different behaviours and we get disappointed istead of watching the other person and learn from what we see as new. This is also because the Couple is the reign of protection, we want the archetype that we recognize and we don’t accept the rest.

The marvellous thing of this processi s that if we could look at the other person in marvel, in wonder, and by doing so feed our relationship, if we could do this with our partner, we could also do it with ourselves. Whatever inside of me I work on, manifests itself on the outside and viceversa. The more I learn how to look in wonder, the more I’ll have eyes full of astonishment for myself.

In my next #news-pills we will continue to talk about the couple by going deeper with a fundamental aspect : Communication .

#staytuned#pillole#psicologiaesoterica#followus#newera

For further information on this topic or for an indicative session, you can contact me on

my website: gaiatortolina.eu

e-mail address : info@gaiatortolina.eu