Communication – How do you communicate with your partner? Strategies and pillars for a healthy communicative exchange.
Communication is a fundamental aspect in a couple; what is necessary is that Communication corresponds to three criteria: it has to be useful, truthful and kind.
These are three characteristics which we normally take for granted, but they are not granted at all.
Let’s start from “useful”: is it useful in a daily couple relationship that I say to my husband or partner to “wear warm clothes because it’s cold” or “put a coat on because it’s stormy”, or “not to behave like that”..? is it useful to give my partner unrequested advice? How do I know what he needs ? we barely know what we need ourselves.. so the usefulness of communication is to question ourselves: is what I am saying really useful for the other person? Or is it useful for me? Do I need to use this motherly function. As a matter of fact we are doing it because it is our need.
“Thruthful”: the absolute truth doesn’t exist, but it is true for me, therefore when I talk to my partner I must be aware that I am talking according to my truth, but that is not the case for both; we have to start thinking that an objective reality which is the same for everybody, doesn’t exist. Each person has a different version of the same event, and especially in a couple we should stop thinking that we understood, for sure, what my partner has told me and we should start using “maybe”, “maybe I got it this way” “I think I got it this way”, without any absolute certainty.
We must get used to the idea that it is as if we looked at reality through tinted lenses, always, even when we sleep , and through the colour of the lenses which is given by our personal story, we interpret the world, therefore I play everything by my personal experience.
“Kind”: after some years in long-lasting couples, kindness disappears; kindness is a characterstic of the soul, it is an asset, we must be kind, always, because only in this way I can enter the other person’s heart and remain. If I am always sad, annoyed, arrogant or depressed, communication does not flow, therefore it is better to stop, take a break and be in contact with our pain, because every time we hurt the other person we are increasing the distance, by doing so we might end up in being far away from the person we are with, or we had begun to love.
“Useful, Truthful and Kind” are important in every type of communication, but this is particularly true for the couple; it is important that we start doing it first, even if from the other side we won’t get the same reply. It goes without saying that if I continue to comunicate in a useful, truthful, kind way but ,my partner doesn’t, or does the other way around, I have to ask myself why do I keep on being in a relationship that is not healthy for me. For example when a woman brings nourishment and the man wastes it or viceversa. With this type of exercises I can really bring the level of the couple to emerge, so my partner does the same and follows me, making a leap in consciousness; if so,the couple is destined to emerge and rise or alternatively crumble in the opposite direction.
Another fundamental aspect in the couple is Sexuality. It is the nourishment of the couple. In a couple men are donators of energy, and very often it is thought that they are only interested in sexuality but actually it is not like this. The masculine nourishes the couple through sex, the sexual energy; then through the sexual energy, the intercourse, the woman is able to transform this energy into an energy of love. In long lasting couples, sexuality gradually ranks lower, while actually it should be lived more actively as an integrating part of a couple’s life: it allows the contact between souls and it is as important as the other values in the couple.
Beside Communication and Sexuality another very important aspect for a couple’s life is to “learn to ask”. This is particularly difficult for women: we are uncapable to ask for help, we beat about the bush to ask for something concrete by expecting much on the emotional level. This leads a man, who hasn’t got this level well developed, into a condition of weakness and frustration because he doesn’t understand what his partner needs.
To learn to ask means to speak clearly and ask what we need for. This entails taking responsabilities, as the majority of men works with the intuitive-rational canal, their intuitive level is less developed than women. Women have the gift of empathy (the ability to understand the emotions of someone without any speaking) but men don’t. Threfore if a woman learns to ask clearly by facing the fear of refusal, she can improve the couple’s relationship: the man feels himself useful and cooperates so the couple grows. Similarly if this does not happen, what is understood is that the man is not willing to cooperate therefore it’s better to detach and look for something else where to exercise the couple.
When I fall in love I happen to fall for the same type of masculine, because I have only one active masculine archetype in my subcosncious, and I always recognize myself in it; however problems arise when I start to notice the shadow sides of the archetype however I will continue to meet always the same type.
At this point I might choose a totally different man but it wouldn’t be a big falling-in-love. The hardest solution is to decide to work and bring to consciousness and integration the shadows of the archetype I have fallen in love with, or the new archetypes of the other person. To integrate the archetypes of the other person means to dedicate ten minutes every day to commit oneself to live the aspects and characteristics of these archetypes that I want to integrate.
Having integrated the archetype with the daily exercises on onself, the options are two : I won’t be bothered again by the shadow sides of the archetype I have fallen in love with, or I will fall in love with a person whose archetype is completely different from the one I was used to, so I’ll have a different experience: in both cases there has been a big change and a new cycle is going to start.
In my next #pill we will talk about Family Constellations, what they are and how they work; how important the relationship with parents and family is, according to the Esoteric Psychology investigation.
#staytuned #pills #psicologiasoterica #followus #newera
For more information on this topic, or for an orientation session,
you can contact me on:
web site: gaiatortolina.eu
e-mail: info@gaiatortolina.eu
